In one of my posts, I expressed my amazement with the appropriateness of the advice given by the Don Quixote, the hero of the 17-century novel by Cervantes, and its relevance in the modern world. How is it possible that a set of detailed rules (these are not general commandments like those in the Bible, but rather very specific behavioural guidance), written approximately 400 years ago, did not expire with time, but can be applied today to create a valuable, respectable and successful person?
Let us have a look in more detail at the pieces of the advice, one by one. We will start with the advice "for the mind":
"First of all, my son, thou must fear God, for in the fear of him is wisdom, and being wise thou canst not err in aught.
This may be immediately questioned by people who do not believe in God, and their concern can be easily addressed: it is not about God being real or not, it is not about believing in God or not. It is about humility. It is about the understanding that there forces in the World that are stronger that one's own will and ability to act. Regardless what name we give to these forces, they are powerful, they can and will shape our life, and we have limited ability to escape them. And trying to avoid their influence is very difficult, if not impossible - one may be running away all his or her life, and in the end still remain in the realms of these forces. Therefore, it is wise to understand and respect these more powerful forces, so that one does not take actions that are against them, but rather aligns with these high powers to achieve their goals quickly and efficiently.
"Secondly, thou must keep in view what thou art, striving to know
thyself, the most difficult thing to know that the mind can imagine. If
thou knowest thyself, it will follow thou wilt not puff thyself up like
the frog that strove to make himself as large as the ox; if thou dost,
the recollection of having kept pigs in thine own country will serve as
the ugly feet for the wheel of thy folly."
One must know and understand what one is (and what one can be - my own comment), and getting to this understanding is probably more difficult than learning anything else in life. Once we get such understanding, we can avoid pretending what we cannot be - because if we pretend being someone we are not, this will quickly be discovered by these around us, usually to our disadvantage. Paradoxically, Don Quixote himself believed that he was a knight-errant. And of course everyone knew he was not; his belief made him an object of ridicule, sometimes compassion, and sometimes contempt. The latter was because his actions, undertaken always in good faith and intention, caused quite some harm to others.
Does it contravene the modern self-development trends that teach us to believe that we already are what we want to become? Not necessarily. The key is to want to become what we can become (or rather not want to become someone we cannot become). For example, one can become a well educated person, or a wealthy person. But one cannot become a musician if one has a deaf ear.
"That's the truth," said Sancho; "but that was when I was a boy;
afterwards when I was something more of a man it was geese I kept, not
pigs. But to my thinking that has nothing to do with it; for all who are
governors don't come of a kingly stock."
"True," said Don
Quixote, "and for that reason those who are not of noble origin should
take care that the dignity of the office they hold he accompanied by a
gentle suavity, which wisely managed will save them from the sneers of
malice that no station escapes.
This is a nice clarification - if one has happened to step into the area of "higher quality", it is good to put some extra effort to ensure that those around do not feel threatened by one's company. This way one can avoid acquiring the status of an outsider, and ultimately the rejection. Courtesy will always help here. And this rule can be applied everywhere: promotion at work, move to a better housing area, making friends with someone from a higher social circle, and so on.
"Glory in thy humble birth, Sancho, and he not ashamed of saying thou
art peasant-born; for when it is seen thou art not ashamed no one will
set himself to put thee to the blush; and pride thyself rather
upon
being one of lowly virtue than a lofty sinner. Countless are they who,
born of mean parentage, have risen to the highest dignities, pontifical
and imperial, and of the truth of this I could give thee
instances enough to weary thee.
Very much linked to the previous piece of advice, and it addresses another problem: our vulnerability. If we are ashamed of where we come from, who our parents were, and what qualities we have not been equipped by virtue of our birth and upbringing, it makes us vulnerable. We will take any comment on the above as a potential threat, regardless if it is real or just results from our hypersensitivity to certain themes. And there is no reason for us to be ashamed of things that do not depends on us. We should rather focus of what we can do, what we can change, and what we have achieved, want to achieve, and are working to achieve. Such attitude changes our perspective, and makes us much less vulnerable.
"Remember, Sancho, if thou make virtue thy aim, and take a pride in
doing virtuous actions, thou wilt have no cause to envy those who have
princely and lordly ones, for blood is an inheritance, but virtue
an acquisition, and virtue has in itself alone a worth that blood does not possess.
Logical continuation of the previous thought: regardless of who you are by birth or origin, it is who you are by your behaviour that other people will see. Over the years, virtues have been associated with the social class (and I am talking about inheritance here, not wealth. In other words, the European class system, not the American). However, belonging to the upper class does not make you behave in a more virtuous way. Yes, you may get better education and upbringing, but you also get more responsibility - you are expected to behave in a way that appropriately represents your class. Otherwise, you will degenerate the breed and bring shame to your family. On the other hand, if you acquire virtuous behaviours without having the privilege of the noble origin, you will likely be recognised as a person of quality, and no one will have a problem accepting you in their social group. For clarity, money will not. Noble families will frown at your wealth (or, in the best case they will tolerate you), if your money is not coupled with appropriate behaviour. On the other hand, even if you are poor (and if you are virtuous, being poor is usually your personal choice - because reasonable money almost always follows decent behaviour, and yes, there are exceptions), you will likely be accepted by the most noble people as their partner.
"This being so, if perchance anyone of thy kinsfolk should come to
see thee when thou art in thine island, thou art not to repel or slight
him, but on the contrary to welcome him, entertain him, and
make much
of him; for in so doing thou wilt be approved of heaven (which is not
pleased that any should despise what it hath made), and wilt comply with
the laws of well-ordered nature.
This one is very simple and obvious. Never - ever - be ashamed of any member of your family, regardless of their social level, wealth, education, manners, and so on. Your family is your family, and they deserve your love, no matter what. Of course you do not need to give away your fortune to any blockheads, and similarly you must not allow anyone to take any advantage of you - but you can and even should help them as much as it does not compromise the wellness of your own family. Common courtesy will be most appropriate here.
"If thou carriest thy wife with thee (and it is not well for those
that administer governments to be long without their wives), teach and
instruct her, and strive to smooth down her natural roughness; for all
that may be gained by a wise governor may be lost and wasted by a boorish stupid wife.
Cervantes referred to the wife, because at that time women did not hold public offices. Today, his advice applies universally to the wife and the husband. Regardless if you are male or female, whenever your position exposes you to the public, or any group of people with whom your status is important, your spouse is always looked at. Therefore, if you want to achieve and/or retain such position, your spouse must not display any behaviour that is not acceptable at this level. You may of course try to "hide" your spouse from the eyes of the strangers, but such strategy may not work in the long run - this will be perceived as odd. This is another reason why you should marry within your own social group. Or, if you aspire to advance, make sure that your spouse shares your ambitions, and is willing to modify his or her behaviour accordingly.
Back to one of the previous statements, this is not about pretending someone he or she is not. It is about "smoothing down the roughness", which may mean just eliminating some undesired behaviours - e.g. inappropriate conversation topics, excessive drinking in the wrong place and time, type of clothes, make-up, etc.
"If perchance thou art left a widower- a thing which may happen- and
in virtue of thy office seekest a consort of higher degree, choose not
one to serve thee for a hook, or for a fishing-rod, or for the hood of
thy 'won't have it;' for verily, I tell thee, for all the judge's wife
receives, the husband will be held accountable at the general calling to
account; where he will have repay in death fourfold, items that in life
he regarded as naught.
Be sincere, and do not marry a 'better' person only for the sake of raising your status. First of all, this may be a deceit, and manipulating anyone into marriage so that your position could benefit is simply outrageous. And nothing is free - even if you are completely open, let the other party know what your goal is, and receive their consent, the cost and the burden associated with such deed may (and most likely will) be unbearable to you.
"Never go by arbitrary law, which is so much favoured by ignorant men who plume themselves on cleverness.
This one is quite simple - always refer to reason, knowledge, and the objective rules, and do not judge things in a way that serves you. Your self-conceit will deceive you eventually. Do not confuse this with creativity and the ability to bring new ways - the latter is appropriate and desirable, as long as it is based on sound logic and objective reasoning.
"Let the tears of the poor man find with thee more compassion, but not more justice, than the pleadings of the rich.
Never confuse compassion and justice. Never tolerate crime and always judge it in the same way. A theft is a theft, a murder is a murder and a lie is a lie. If you find a person poor and hungry, it is most commendable that you share some food and perhaps even some money. But never forgive if they act illegally - if they can get away with the theft, they will learn to steal more and more.
"Strive to lay bare the truth, as well amid the promises and presents
of the rich man, as amid the sobs and entreaties of the poor.
Be objective and reasonable, always look for the facts. Do not let money, compassion, or emotions cloud your judgement.
"When equity may and should be brought into play, press not the
utmost rigour of the law against the guilty; for the reputation of the
stern judge stands not higher than that of the compassionate.
If you find a person guilty, and if you need to take measures to penalise the other person, be merciful and do not go for the most severe punishment. Strict people are not regarded higher than merciful people.
The above advice applied to Sancho's role of the governor, who decided legal cases. But similar rule can be applied in everyday life - at work, upbringing children, being a customer, dealing with friends, etc. Be just, but not cruel.
"If perchance thou permittest the staff of justice to swerve, let it be not by the weight of a gift, but by that of mercy.
Here we come to the point that we are all human, and eventually it will happen that we decide to skew our judgement, or favour one party in our decision. Mercy and compassion are acceptable reasons. Material benefit (bribe) is not. This is another reference to the superiority of the moral values over the wealth.
"If it should happen thee to give judgement in the cause of one who
is thine enemy, turn thy thoughts away from thy injury and fix them on
the justice of the case.
Another one about impartiality in your judgements. When you are in a position of power over other people, remain objective and do not let old grudges impact the way in which you treat them. This is especially true at the workplace. (My own comment is that if you are unable to treat one of your reports fairly, due to some past problems, consider transferring the management of this employee to someone else.)
"Let not thine own passion blind thee in another man's cause; for the
errors thou wilt thus commit will be most frequently irremediable; or
if not, only to be remedied at the expense of thy good name and even of
thy fortune.
Do not allow yourself to be emotionally manipulated into things that do not serve you well. If you do, you will most likely cause lots of harm and damage and, as the author says, such injuries will be very hard or impossible to repair.
"If any handsome woman come to seek justice of thee, turn away thine
eyes from her tears and thine ears from her lamentations, and consider
deliberately the merits of her demand, if thou wouldst not have thy
reason swept away by her weeping, and thy rectitude by her sighs.
Know your weaknesses, and do not let them influence your judgement. Cervantes an example of a beautiful woman crying in front of you, which is a typically a point of great vulnerability to most men. Yet we can expand it - women often react in a similar way to little children, both sexes can be vulnerable to confident and influential people, and so on. The key is to recognise the emotions the other person and their behaviour may be raising in ourselves. There is no need to blame the other party for these emotions, because in most cases they do not act in a conscious and deliberate fashion. Still, it is good not to take any decision when we feel the emotional influence of the other person, but rather isolate ourselves and think the matter over.
"Abuse not by word him whom thou hast to punish in deed, for the pain
of punishment is enough for the unfortunate without the addition of
thine objurgations.
Once you decide and apply your reaction to unacceptable behaviour - for example when disciplining your children, employee, or reacting to what your partner or spouse has done - do not add any verbal assaults, because they will not do any good to you. They can actually work against you, because you will be seen as unsatisfied and weak, not having been able to deal with the issue and close it completely.
"Bear in mind that the culprit who comes
under thy jurisdiction is but a miserable man subject to all the
propensities of our depraved nature, and so far as may be in thy power
show thyself lenient and
forbearing; for though the attributes of God
are all equal, to our eyes that of mercy is brighter and loftier than
that of justice.
Be merciful. Everyone does mistakes, and everyone does evil from time to time. Everyone is human. Treat people as erroneous human beings. This does not mean letting people get away with their wrongdoings. It means erring on the side of mercy and compassion.
"If thou followest these precepts and rules, Sancho, thy days will be
long, thy fame eternal, thy reward abundant, thy felicity unutterable;
thou wilt marry thy children as thou wouldst; they and thy grandchildren
will bear titles; thou wilt live in peace and concord with all men;
and, when life draws to a close, death will come to thee in calm and
ripe old age, and the light and loving hands of
thy great-grandchildren will close thine eyes.
Following these simple rules is the best way have life that is happy and satisfactory in long term, full of harmony and love. If you read these pieces of advice carefully again, you will see that they are not at all different from what forms the base of the major belief and ethical systems, or what you can hear from today's self-help and self-improvement gurus (or perhaps what your grandma may have told you when you were a child. Life wisdom does not change).
to be continued in part II - 'advice for the body'
No comments:
Post a Comment
Please post your commments - include your own thoughts and considerations! (All comments will be moderated and, once approved, will appear on the blog withing a short time. I reserve the right to reject comments that are offensive, of commercial character, or simply inappropriate.)